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Losing My Mojo

Monday, I talked with teachers about taking care of themselves. I explained that life will give you unexpected road blocks to navigate around.

 

That is what life is, right?

 

A navigation?

 

Little did this group know, I was dealing with my own private hell.

 

If you are not a dog owner, you won’t understand.

 

.I once was a non- animal person. When people were wrecked over pet’s deaths, I would have those condescending “only an animal” thoughts.

 

But today I know better. My Mojo became so much more.The best friend I have ever had; my constant and loving companion, my audience and taster for my Food Shows, the one being whom I could totally trust and they told me last week he has cancer.

 

And it’s not like with a human, who can tell you when they feel bad. It’s worse.

 

Because as THE human, it is easy to feel that you have let your buddy down.

 

Decisions like when is he in too much pain and how will I know it’s time have been discussed throughout the most horrible weekend on earth.

 

Thank goodness for his other HUMAN, Al. He is a realist. He is a dog man. He loves the Moj too.

 

So, in the middle of my delivery Monday, I kept thinking about this current navigation I will need to make.

 

Mojo came to me as a rescue puppy. I was newly and unexpectedly alone, and my daughter found at Capital City Rescue in East Lansing and brought him to Kalamazoo on a cold January night. We met in the Meijer parking lot so we could go in and get essentials.

 

He was sick. He had a virus that the vet said could kill puppies. I gave suppositories and pain meds until he eventually got better. It was a miracle he survived.

 

I spent many evenings walking around Kleinstuck and Asylum lake. A kind and curious creature, my boy was never aggressive or mean.

 

He was a shopper and a regular at Decadent Dogs and Fuzzy Buttz. He would go around to each display and smell, push toys with his nose, and refuse any treats.

 

He was a dancer, who met me at the door each time I came in, with a toy, all the while swaying and bending practically in half so I would dance with him.

 

Last week, he was diagnosed with an aggressive form or mast cell cancer. I can tell you I have lost many things in my life, but this? This is heart breaking and has me stopped.

 

My heart wrenches every time I look at his sorrowful eyes, knowing his pain.

 

I didn’t expect to fall so deeply in love with him and this decision to let him go has not come lightly.It is going to take time for me to put this pain somewhere.

 

Sometime navigating the roadblocks feels insurmountable. I need to take care of me now that he is gone.

 

So I have canceled all my stuff for a week to just allow it all to sink in.

 

As I prayed over him on Tuesday, I knew that that afternoon he will meet up with my dad and grandmas, and aunts.

 

He will once again run in his crazy puppy way like he did on the beach so many years ago.

 

A piece of me will be forever in his debt. He saved me from facing many things alone.

 

That kind of unconditional love has given me pause to get deeper into my faith. I know he has been sent to give us a glimpse of something greater.Life’s roadblocks do happen and Cancer does suck.

 

Godspeed, my beautiful boy.

 

 

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