Who am I?
Nothing can stop a person abruptly in their tracks like a relationship gone awry.
Personally, it has been a journey.
Initially, my counselor and mentor, just listened. He let me rip the bandage off my ruined heart again and again to rehash my feelings of betrayal, humiliation, severe sadness, and uncertainty. Later in my process, we discussed ways to build back trust. I attended many sessions of trauma recovery within my church. I met and befriended people who were in the same situation. I threw myself into the job I had and the people I worked with. I was actively seeking out my authentic self, but I didn’t know it then.
My footing improved. I began getting past the pain and it seemed as if a hallway was brightening. Hope was in that forward thinking place. Substance and security were working in my favor albeit in little tiny bites.
I heard about a book today that two guys from Benton Harbor wrote. The story is not new. A white cop framed a black man from the neighborhoods in BH and he was put in jail. Karma took over. The white cop got busted himself, went to prison, and in his search for forgiveness, reached out to have a relationship with the man he had framed and turned in. Sounds like a movie (it’s a book now, so yes, a movie probably)
When asked how it felt to forgive, Jameel McGee, who spent 3 years in prison wrongfully accused, said something profound: “I began to feel like me again.”
I was not surprised, but I appreciated his honesty that the actual forgiveness factor was a process.
So many times, when we are wearing the masks that force us to be someone we are not; we lose the essence of who we are. We try to fit into a mold or body or mindset that does not allow us to be authentic. We live not for ourselves, but for another person.
Getting through the journey is a series of struggles. I see it all the time when people want to act a certain way to attract what they think will be the perfect partner, friend, or group. They will make choices to do things they don’t want to do and act like they are happy about it. It is a game of false faces that build a shield that is almost impenetrable.
To truly be happy in life, lose the crap. Shake off leaning to please everyone else.
To be lighter, make the choice.
Live for yourself.
Don’t let all the pictures and posts make your life’s journey become mired in the muddiness.
You are good enough.
Thanks for listening.